My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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