Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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