Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
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she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
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Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
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