Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
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I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
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My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
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