I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
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I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize