Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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