I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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