My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
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