Are we in a gay sports bar?
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
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After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
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