Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
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