The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
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i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
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We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
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