I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
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Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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