I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize