no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
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After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
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I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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