Walk of Shame. In a state park.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
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While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
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Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
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