Midget sex pt 2 tonight
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
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It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
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Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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