the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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