So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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