I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
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I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
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You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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