just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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