connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
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