Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
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