Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
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If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
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He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
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