My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize