I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I don't deserve a penis
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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