Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize