Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize