The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize