i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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