dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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