I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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