I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize