So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
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So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
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I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
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