I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Randomize