I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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