any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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