Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Everclear isn't food dammit
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
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