...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
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If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
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Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
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