I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
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I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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