her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
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