Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize