You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize