The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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