Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Randomize