Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
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Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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