I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
what day is it and did you see me today?
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
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He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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