puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
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I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
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Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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