I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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