I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i've created a new STD.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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