please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize