I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize